Up yours – SUBWAY!

Yes indeed they may (as of this week) be the largest fast-food chain on Earth, but they’ve certainly pissed this customer off (yes, me) big time with their Halal policy.

First things first. I’m not banging on the rights and wrongs of Halal slaughter. That’s been far more eloquently debated elsewhere than I’m able to do. No, what really sticks in my craw is the default belief that me and other yids in my area (Palmers Green, London N13) my Christian pals, the Zoroastrians and Hindus – and in fact anyone else non-Islamic will (a) welcome SUBWAY’s blanket decision that we eat Halal slaughtered meat or (b) we are not the sort of customers they want. Here’s the story.

1.     Brand new SUBWAY opens up in PG a few weeks back.

2.     A discreet and at that point unseen by me sign on the window displays in Arabic and English the ethos: “All Meats Are HALAL”

3.     I munch a standard meat-filled sandwich and sit gazing around the shop interior. I pick up a SUBWAY handbill entitled SUBWAY stores ‘Halal” FAQ. It tells me that (apparently) they believe in "working closely with local communities."

4.     Apparently there has been a “strong demand” for this. I guess they are referring to PG.

Now then, PG is has a large Greek population. Been like this for years. I know quite a few. None of them are Muslims. There are a smattering of Turkish origin people here too. I know some of them. Roughly half are Islamic inclined and the others are not. And then there are few yids like me. There are some toy-boy goy-boys, druggies, a poet or two, a few ageing hookers, a large collection of blues slide guitarists, apprentice villains, a retired pathologist, 4 official witches, and a whole lot more. Not a particularly close-knit community but close enough to get the drift of an impending riot from those demanding Halal meat in the local eateries. I kept my ears and eyes open. Not a sound. Not a glimpse.

So my conclusion, based on the above and given that the offensive (to me) sign was there on day #1 is that SUBWAY are interested only in satisfying those demographically (culturally) inclined to generate the most business in this locality. Thus one conclusion is that they expect that the ratio of Halal-munchers to non Halal munchers is likely to rise both dramatically and imminently. A form of social engineering by food perhaps?

Well of course not. There little benefit in getting this out of hand. SUBWAY see all of us as walking wallets and that presumably their actuaries have figured out that those of Islamic persuasion either walk faster, or have heavier wallets, or both.

As for me, I found the SUBWAY food to be fresh, tasteless, inexpensive and un-convincing.   

Curious that a US-based mega-organisation, with I guess more PhDs working for them than they can reasonably count have figured out that parts of our island are, on balance, prepared to accept – without demur – Halal products. And that Palmers Green, North London is one of those parts.  "Do ya want salad with your Fatwa sir?

Perhaps someone out there can let us know if they’ve spotted a SUBWAY store with a “Kosher served here” sign?

Meanwhile, for a decent sandwich, a warm welcome, no religious bigotry or political-correctness crap and a decent cuppa in Palmers Green I go Cafe Christo at 442/444 Green Lanes. N13 5PB.